The Prize(s)

I've been meaning to show you the prize I decided to offer to the Evil Empress, the winner of my Ugly Food Photo contest this year, but I had to wait as I'm giving them to her at dinner this weekend and I didn't want her to see them before they are presented.

I was really looking for one like the black one I posted about eons ago, but the cooking store I haunt no longer carries them; more's the pity, too, as it is the most useful tool in my kitchen.

They have lots of other options, however, so I went for these two. The spatula has a flexible, heat resistant blade that looks like it will be easy to slip under anything in the pan. The other one I purchased because it performs five separate functions and will take up less space in the drawer than five separate tools would. I'd have bought another of the five-function whiz if they had had two, but I snagged the last one for the EE and my honorable side stubbornly insists that I give it to her even when my less noble side is whispering, "She'll never know the difference."

So, this is why I'm writing about it now; keeps me honest.

The Finalists

***EEK! I previewed this post and it looked as if it lined up, but now the alignment of photos and text are all over the place! I hope you can read the text and understand which photos they go with - each is sequential, even tho' they don't match up! Apologies!***

I really shouldn't have eliminated myself from the Ugly Food Photo contest - I took this one, for example. That is not plastic wrap over my baked-egg-and-duxelles. Need I say more?

Anyway, I made the rules so I guess I have to stick to them. Scroll down to find the official entries in the contest:

Here's a beauty from our lurker who has not yet started a blog of her own, The Evil Empress. Her photo of guacamole in a bowl belies her claim that it was truly delicious. By her own admission, it looks like glistening green vomit.

Or, how about this from Nancy over at Chez NamasteNancy? Not only is the chicken curry lightly green in this light, the placemat is off-center, the plate doesn't look too clean (I'm sure that's just steam from the hot food, right? Right??) and the drops of sauce on the rim don't add to the overall beauty, do they?

The judges were quite impressed with this entry from the Mad Meat Genius. It's cole slaw. No, really, it's cole slaw! Paul didn't explain why it looks wormy as well as slimy - we'll leave that to your imagination.

Kitt over at The Kittalog submitted this nightmarish fruit terrine photo. I gather there was a problem with the gelatin. There's a texture that I, for one, would pass up on a buffet.

Some of our contestants actually published their photos online and sent us links. The judges felt that they deserved extra points for sheer chutzpah. Here are the shameless entries, the ones that actually saw the light of day:

From Ali at Green and Lean, a roasted carrot and garlic purée mixed with brown rice medley risotto. Ali at least dressed up the photo with a glass of wine and a pretty utensil but does that really retrieve the dish from true visual ghastliness? See the final photo in the series if you dare.

From Cookiecrumb, who usually wows us with her photography as well as her writing, a pan of meatloaf that looks pretty dry and dull, with mad splatters on the white pan. She calls it butt ugly. We would agree.

From Nancy over at Chez NamasteNancy, we have two submissions, both pretty darn ugly. Her chicken curry photo (above) was bad enough, but then she included her Jolly Green Glop picture, too. I defy you to decide which is worse.

After serious study and careful consideration, the judges have reached a verdict. While all these entries have merit, only one can actually take the prize. The brand new kitchen implement goes to....

may I have the envelope, please?...

... fumble, fumble with the envelope....

...finally remove the card with a flourish...

....and announce the winner is....

THE EVIL EMPRESS!

That stingy blob of vomitous green at the bottom of a too-large bowl was truly stomach-turning. The photo is off center, and not in a good way. The focus is (mercifully) a little fuzzy on the guac. And what's with that little red thing on the side; to us, it looks ominous. No chips for dipping, mysterious background with stray crumbs. Overall, a true winner. Congratulations, (I think?), to the Evil Empress for the 2011 Ugliest Food Photo! Her brand new kitchen implement will be on its way to her forthwith.

***A bonus! Ms Mouse of Dancing Mouse declined to enter the contest this year but she found a link to a whole site of nothing but really revolting food photos. If you are looking to degrade your photographic technique so as to win next year's contest, go here if you'd like to disgust yourself even more. So far, as bad as we are, we are more or less bush league by comparison with these guys!

Aw, C'mon!

C'mon and enter the Ugly Food Photo contest. You might win a nifty kitchen implement and, besides, it would be fun. Aw, c'mon. Don't be chicken!

If you want some artistic inspiration, check this out - last year's entries, including the winner.

I promise not to enter this one, because it would sweep the prize and then everyone would moan that the fix was in, since I and My Beloved are the judges. This is my icky version of cream-braised Brussels sprouts, the dish I wrote about here. It was delicious but it looked as if a nursing baby had thrown up on some overcooked sprouts. That's what happens when you get distracted while cooking and reading a potboiler at the same time and the cream curdles from too much heat. As if that wasn't bad enough, once again I forgot that that particular angle in my particular kitchen leaves a deadly gray shadow on the lower edge of the photo.

Anyway, I just know you have some truly ugly food photos, too, that you'd like to enter into the competition. So, c'mon, dig 'em out and post a link to them in the comments of this post or the first invitation blog a few days ago. You can also email me the file if you are understandably reluctant to post it up on your own blog; no one wants to scare away readers. Send it to PamelaHyland@comcast.net, if that's the case.

The deadline is Monday, March 7th, so don't delay. We are looking forward to seeing how truly awful food can look.

Ugly Food Photo Contest 2011

Yes, folks, it's time once again for the annual Ugly Food Photo contest. Time for us all to scroll through our food porn to find the one really ugly picture that made food look, not appetizing and delicious but, rather, unappealing and perhaps even downright disgusting.

The judging will be done by me and My Beloved, who have the distinction of having taken some of the ugliest food photos of all time. We will be looking at content (what did you eat?), technique (how sharp/clear is the photo, unless blurriness is intentional to enhance the photo or to hide mistakes), staging (sometimes, the plate, napkin, flatware, etc. can add truly grotesque elements), color and lighting (always a challenge for amateurs like us) and composition.

I rather like this photo of our dinner last night - cheesy couscous, overly charred sausages (note the artistic touch of the half-exploded end of the second sausage, and leftover purple cabbage-and-onion in which the nightmarish hue of the cabbage has infiltrated the onion, too. My Beloved didn't even finish this dinner - is anyone surprised?

So, dig deep and see if you can come up with a contender that will rival this hideously ugly meal. The deadline for submissions is Monday, March 7th. The judges will scrutinize each entry and report the winner a day or two later; their decision is final, but whining and kvetching from the losers is allowed. To submit, just leave a comment with a link to your photo in the comments section of this post.

The prize will be a new kitchen implement of the judges' choosing and, of course, the honor and cachet of having been named "Ugliest Food Photographer" for the year.

May I Have The Envelope, Please...

When I snapped a truly ugly picture of my dinner about a week ago, I was inspired to start a contest for the most embarrassing food photo from my readers. Given just a week, they dove into their archives to come up with some pretty nasty food photos, indeed. Here are the contestants, each truly appetite-suppressing in its own way:

Cookiecrumb served up this delectable entry from her new computer over at I'm Mad and I Eat, a pig's ear with a tiny bite taken out, served up on a pink glass plate over what looks to my eye like a disposable diaper. Cookiecrumb is a strong contender.
http://madeater.blogspot.com/2010/02/martian-food-from-venus.html

From Southern California, Vicki at the blog A Work in Progress weighed in with another entry in the pig's ear category. I briefly considered giving a prize to this category alone plus another prize for food photos in general but, frankly, I'm too cheap. Have a gander at this one: http://madball911.blogspot.com/2010/01/what-to-do-with-pig-ear-part-ii.html

365 Days of Cartman is a blog in which Cartman is attempting to take a picture a day for a whole year. In a canny move designed to confuse the judges, Mike submitted not one but two photos, either one a serious contender. Because he didn't indicate which one he was entering, Dark Side of the Moon Sushi or the unnamed bowl of sinister spaghetti, the Blue Ribbon Panel of Judges considered disqualifying his entries from the contest but, in the spirit of competition, the decision was made to keep them in. See them if you dare by clicking on this link and scrolling down at http://cartman365.tumblr.com

Wild Tofu Surprise from Peter at Cookblog. Peter's descriptions are always a wonder and this one is no exception. His food is usually layered, immaculate and refined but with this photo he has proved that even a talented artist and writer can produce a clinker every now and then. The expression "putting lipstick on a pig" comes to mind. http://quisimangiabene.blogspot.com/2009/09/this-is-why-we-cant-have-nice-things.html

The Reverend Dr. Biggles at Meathenge, he of recent fame in the book "The Butcher and the Vegetarian" by Tara Austen Weaver, submitted this horrific nightmare of a dish, sausages that remind one forcibly of shit from a very large and well-fed dog and/or severally-severed male sex organs. We all worship at his meaty altar but even the great Biggles stumbles now and then.
http://www.cyberbilly.com/meathenge/archives/001488.html

We have added another prize option to the pot; I have ordered some copies of "BlogAid, Recipes for Haiti," a cookbook made up of contributions from several well-known food bloggers. Galvanized by the tragedy in Haiti, these bloggers put together a stylish cookbook within three weeks. All the proceeds from the sale of this book will go to Doctors Without Borders or the Canadian Red Cross. If you want to read more about this option, follow this link to Tara Austen Weaver's site: http://teaandcookies.blogspot.com/2010/02/recipes-for-haiti.html The other two prize options, Mollie Wizenberg's "A Homemade Life," or Jason Epstein's "Eating" are still available and the winner will have her/his choice.

Needless to say, this was a difficult decision, requiring minute examinations of the photographs; serious discussions of light, composition and style; and cogitation on the artistic references contained in the pictures. My Beloved and I put nearly five whole minutes into the decision but were able, finally, to award the prize for the Most Embarrassing Food Photo to (drum roll)....


VICKI, at A Work in Progress!

The judges felt that not only was the subject matter of dubious deliciosity but the layout was equally uninspired and the colorless swine ears don't even look like something one would eat. The third judge, Cora, however, disagreed and offered to scarf those right up if Vicki will send them to her; however, she was outvoted.

Congratulations, Vicki!

Send me an email at PamelaHyland(at)comcast.net to tell me which prize you'd like to claim and your mailing address and we will rush your choice of prizes out to you as soon as we can. Thanks to everyone for your entries and your good sportspersonship!

Let's have no bellyaching from the losers, okay?